The Value of Sadness

I have a little stuffed blue Sadness character who "lives" in my office bookcase.  While many clients, children and adult alike, have said "I love her!" not a single one has asked me why I don't have a Joy.  Their appreciation for her makes clear sense to me, because I know both from my own life and from my work with people in therapy, that being vulnerable to experiencing and expressing sadness and pain can foster personal development and power human connection.  Humans are neurobiologically hardwired to connect to each other, and when we reach for one another in a moment of distress, connecting can soothe our pain and fear.  Can you think of a moment when the presence of a safe, loving person during a time of sadness has calmed you?  When a hug has reminded you that you're not alone in your pain?

Vulnerability to difficult emotions is hard for us all sometimes, and can be particularly hard for those who have learned through past experiences in relationships that if they reach for others in a moment of struggle, they will find themselves alone in a pain they do not know how to manage.  Some people learn to shut down their pain and some embrace a mentality that positive thinking and emotions are the only valuable aspects of life.  And to me, that feels like a lonely and incomplete way to live.  We all face loss, grief, defeat, and daily stressors.  Sadness and pain are an intrinsic part of the human experience and we cannot truly turn them off.  In fact, if we do, we block others from truly seeing us, contributing to disconnection and stifling the power of joy. 

Sadness in its four-eyed blue form has a spot in my office because the emotion, on the surface or elusive, can find a safe home here and in your life, too.